Deep Thoughts

My husband made a comment today that has led to some thinking that I hadn’t bargained for.  We’re always sharing stories of cute things the dogs do that make our lives much more happy.  We have a lot of dog-related memories that still make us smile and that we’ll never forget even after that dog has left our lives.  DH said something to the effect: It’s your attitude toward the things that the dogs do that make them so enjoyable.  You choose to view them in positive and amusing ways when others may not see them that way, and that is a big part of why we have so many of the memories we have.  I remarked that I wish I’d been this kind of mother when I was raising my children because it sure would have made their lives better.

Since then I’ve thought back to why things are different now and then.  When I was raising my children I was surviving the effects of an abusive childhood, abandonment, childhood emotional and sexual abuse, and rape.  I had no tools to work with in the aftermath of the abuses.  I didn’t know how to handle the fear, shame, anger and loss I lived with every day.  I tried to do the best I could with my children and to give them a better life than I’d had.  What mother doesn’t want her child to have a better life?  Since I had no positive role models I couldn’t come to terms with my past life.  There were times I was angry and my children became the scapegoats.  There were times I was preoccupied and distant to my kids.  I was unreasonable, excitable and hard to understand.  I didn’t know what normal was but I was trying to model it for my children.  I failed miserably but fortunately both of my adult children are responsible, loving people who have also survived their childhoods.

Once they were grown and on their own, I received the opportunity to work through my issues and try to learn to live my life differently, lovingly, calmly and openly.  I’m nowhere near any kind of perfection and I learn new things every day, but I took that chance at recovery to learn to love and be loved.  Eventually I adopted a little rescue dog named Sassie, who taught me about unconditional love.  The rest is my life today.

I love my dogs unconditionally every day, and they love me (us).  I’ve had the chance to foster and rescue many animals over the past 16 years. Each one has taught me new lessons.  Each one I’ve loved.  Each one is/has been a part of who I am.

So, when I came home and found 2 tiny Chihuahua puppies standing proudly in the kitchen amid the aftermath of destroying 2 doggie pads, I could have been upset.  But seeing how very proud they were of their accomplishments changed my perspective immediately.  I ran for the camera and took photographs which I shared with everyone with the caption: It snowed in Dickinson!!!!!!!!!  It’s become one of our most precious memories when it could have ended in a sulk instead.  I wish this was what I had modeled for my children…..

RIP Mr Freckles

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Yesterday was one of those days you hate.  We had to put one of our fosters to sleep.  He was at his new home walking with his human daddy while his mom was at work.  A big dog attacked Freckles and his dad.  His mom called us for help as she could not get there fast enough.  We picked him up and rushed him to our vet’s office, but he’d lost too much blood and was in too much pain.  He would have required lengthy surgery to repair the damage and he wasn’t in any shape to survive the surgery.  If he survived the surgery he still may have not survived the recovery which would have probably been two months or more and over $5000 in monetary cost.  The decision was made to euthanize and we stayed with him until he breathed his last breath, telling him how much everyone loved him and how much he would be missed.  He was such a sweet little dog who never hurt a fly and who loved his family and was loved by everyone he met.  Rest in peace, little one.  No more pain now.  Run free!!!!!!!!!!!!!

August Already

I looked and I have no new photos to share.  It seems like I’ve been so busy since I posted last but I don’t know that I have anything to show for it.  We’re looking at patio covers.  Here is someone I know at Lowe’s.  What do you think of this gazebo?2016-07-31 14.49.42It’s $1000 but made of steel.  Two of them will cover most of my patio (16′ x 33′).  I’ve just got to figure out how to pay for them.  LOL  I owe R a motor for his boat first so maybe by xmas???

Today we took Pepper to his new vet…yeah, right!  We went but they were idiots so we didn’t stay.  Went back to our current vet, convinced it was a bad move to try to change.  LOL  He had a wonderful time riding all over the county with us, so much so that he refused to get out of my lap when we took him back to his mom.  He was afraid we’d leave without him and he wouldn’t get to go.  Guess we’ll have to take him more in the future.  Mom takes him when she drives through to pay bills but said she hadn’t taken him anywhere for about 4 days.  Last time we were at her house, R took him for a walk on the leash.  Pepper came back with his tail wagging and his little tongue hanging down to his knees.  He was so hot!  And he never gets to go walking because Mom’s not able to take him.  It was too hot for them to go any further but I think Pepper would have walked until he collapsed that day.  He was such a happy boy.  R takes Bandit walking most every night but after dark so they don’t overheat.  Sometimes one or another of the girls will want to go, but most of them are just as lazy as their mother.  I never walk with them because of my back issues (can’t even make it through the grocery store sometimes without sitting down at least once) but I try to do things in small bursts of energy throughout the day when I can.

Still going to the gym 3 or 4 times per week.  R goes more often than I do but I do like it.  I even ordered myself a swimsuit so I can swim and get in the hot tub.  It’s supposed to be here Wednesday via FedEx.  I hope I like it better than the last one I bought.  LOL

R is headed for bed and me for the tub so I’d better go get a nightgown before he crashes; I hate to turn the light on in his eyes.  Good night, All.


I Finished the Gym Towels Today

My purple bath & hand towels
R’s red bath towel
7 white hand towels

So I did actually do today what I said I would.  I monogrammed all the gym towels, finished the laundry, and cleaned off the hutch in my office.  Now we’re having DSL connection issues.  When I called them tonight they could see where our service shut down 78 times already today.  Frustrating at times but we just have to go with the flow until they get it fixed.

All else is calm and happy; tomorrow is a gym and grocery day.  Monday I start jury duty, so R will have to be running this place on his own.  Rottsa Ruck!

I Love My Pack

Zoe, Gypsy, Mimi & Dusty resting in my lap.
Zoe, Gypsy, Mimi & Dusty resting in my lap.
Bandit totally exhausted after a two-day fishing trip with R
Bandit totally exhausted after a two-day fishing trip with R







We have a great pack of dogs right now.  They’ve patiently watched all the rescue dogs come in and go out over the years, and they’re still mellow and sweet and happy on a daily basis.  And spoiled, of course.

Tomorrow I’m going to try to get back into the sewing room….finally!  We started back at the gym last week so I’m going to monogram all our gym towels in case they get lost.  That’s the first project and may be all that gets done since there’s about 10 towels to be done (2 purple -hand and bath, 1 red bath, 7 or 8 white hand).  But I received a purse pattern I’d ordered that I already have the fabric for, so that will be on my agenda, as well as doing some more tote bags then starting on xmas gifts.  No way I could do all that in one day or even 1 week.  But I’ll get a start on it and that’s what matters.

We have been going at least 4 days per week to the gym for the past two weeks.  Since we’re old codgers coming from non-existent fitness levels it’s going to take a while to see any noticeable fitness.  But we’re plugging away and are bound and determined to make it work.  This is the 3rd gym for us in 16 years.  We actually joined this one four years ago when I retired and then neither of us ever went once.  I finally cancelled the membership.  But we’re both retired now so we’re trying it again.  We like it so far.

I think the exercise is helping me get through this bout with depression.  It’s gotten pretty bad; I had to decide if I wanted to stay married or call it a day.  I decided I wouldn’t give up without a fight so that’s the path we’re on.  We decided to move our dogs to a different vet because we’re driving 35 minutes each way to get there and then the same to get home. With Mommas and my sister’s dog it’s even farther (Galveston and Texas City) then to Friendswood and back.  We found a vet close to us that seems to offer the same value of care so we’re trying them out.  All papers turned in to the new one, and the old one has been notified that we’re transitioning out of their practice.  They’re still our friends though.  That’ll not change.

Tomorrow I hope I have sewing pictures to post.  Wish me luck!!!!


Still Kicking

Still not sewing but beginning to come out of my funk (I think).  Nothing to report, really but I haven’t posted this month and my last entry sounded bleak when I read back over it.  I gave up on giving up the sleeping pills; it was killing me, so I’m just going back to using them moderately (as prescribed always).  The anxiety seems better most of the time even though I did have one panic attack this week.  The depression seems better as I’m beginning to get some joy out of life again.  So I’ll just hang in there until I’m back to my usual silly self once more.  I have a few dog pictures to post.

Vegetative State

No sewing lately.  All I’ve done is embroidered 1 book bag.  I’ve created a lot of designs but my emotions have prevented me from accomplishing much at all lately.  Again, life has kept me too busy and when I catch up I’m too tired to sew.  Lately I’ve been buying and upgrading laptops.  My brand new, still-under-warranty laptop died one night…just like that!!! One minute I was typing a reply on a sewing forum, the next minute the screen was black, the buttons were no longer lit up…nothing at all.  And no matter what trick I tried it would never restart.  All my information was still on the hard drive but it was returned to the vendor……which left me without a personal laptop…again.  Wah!  So I wrapped it up and delivered it to FedEx.  Bad day at Black Rock!  I loved that computer!  So, I bought another, different one from somebody I’d bought from before and hope this is the ONE!  It’s due to arrive next week.  In the meantime, I bought 2 used laptops from Ebay–one for $89 and one for $139.  I’ve upgraded the HDD on the first one and maxed out the RAM.  Currently updating to Windows 8.1 then to Windows 10 and it’ll be ready to loan/donate to anyone who needs it.  The other cheap one will be here next week and should need less upgrading.  That’ll give us 2- 14″ laptops for whoever needs them.  Can’t beat that!

Diva canvas book bag
Diva canvas book bag

I’ve had some health related issues and am transitioning off the sleeping pills lately which means sleep is at a premium and I go to bed when I fall down because I don’t sleep naturally anymore.  I’ve never slept well and 35 years of shift work have done their number on me.  Now that R and I are both retired I’ve decided to try to just stop trying to normalize with the pills and see if my body can learn to sleep again without them.  It’s a painful process though because I lose a lot of sleep every time I try this.  I’m committed to doing it this time.  I am.  I am!  And my depression has had me in its clutches, too, so motivation has also been at a premium.  I’ll figure it out.  It just wears me out emotionally and with little to no sleep, it makes me an unhappy, grouchy woman.  Who would have known?  LOL



…Have I been?  I have gone through another burst of crap, too busy doing living stuff to do any creative stuff.  But there is light at the end of the tunnel (I hope).

My sister needed a computer; the one she brought for me to fix wasn’t worth the money to fix so I’m giving her the 11″ laptop I had recently bought for my sewing room and ordered myself another one from Ebay.  Before it got here I talked myself out of it and ordered another, more expensive one from the same vendor on Ebay.  When the first one arrived I never opened the box, just printed out the mailing label and dropped it at the post office.  So, that is 1 computer worked on not worth fixing and another I reloaded fresh for my sister.  Third computer went back to the vendor.  Fourth computer arrived and I have spent the better part of 2 days customizing it and reorganizing my filing system from the Alienware (which I put in my sewing room) and the new Envy in my office.  So that is 5 computers I’ve worked on.

Then yesterday someone hacked a website I manage so I’ve spent the better part of the last 48 hours on the phone with security people and reorganizing website and account details.  Cost about $200, too.  And SUCKED!

Before that I started making tote bags.IMG_5002 IMG_5004 IMG_5008I also did a turquoise webbing tote with a peacock on it but I’ve given it away.  I have approximate 17 more to make (5 on my work table and 12 more ordered online but not received).  I also bought rose-colored napped fabric to make envelope cushion covers for 2- 18″ throw pillows.  And I just got in fabric I ordered to make hammocks for bearded dragons.  I’ve also just committed to make some beds and sleeping envelopes for them.  And when I find the time I’m going to make me a summer purse.  I hate the one I have now (too dark) and I can’t see buying one when I have the fabric to do it myself (and I like my own better, too–they don’t fall apart and always have the exact number of pockets I require).

Prior to this I made these blankets for a friend:

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It looks like I’ve done so much but it doesn’t feel like I have, so…back to the drawing board!

May II

Spent the better part of the day in the sewing room and have nothing to show for it.  Everything was moving along just fine when I found out my machine had stitched the top to the bottom of the blanket.  There was too many stitches to save it; I had to cut the hoop away from the blanket to keep from throwing the whole thing away.  Wah!!!!!!!!!  It was frustrating but a learning experience at the same time.  Learning a new machine sometimes hurts!  So, tomorrow I’m planning on doing the same design on something else; I won’t have to take the chance of making today’s mistake two days in a row.

Where was I?  Oh, yeah, I was going to post pictures of my sewing room.

Fabric and thread sorted by type/color
Fabric and thread sorted by type/color
New machine sitting sleekly in its corner, mini=laptop for design manipulation
New machine sitting sleekly in its corner
Armoire with NOTHING stacked on top under a Texas painting by my best friend in the UK
Armoire with NOTHING stacked on top under a Texas painting by my best friend in the UK
Sewing machine and shelves for books, manuals, notions, etc.
Sewing machine and shelves for books, manuals, notions, etc.
4K Smart TV with Roku 3 hung above my fabric totes and serger on the cutting table to the left
4K Smart TV with Roku 3 hung above my fabric totes





















What else could I ask for or need?  I have a little private haven to retreat to and only think about creating something beautiful.  It sure makes days like today easier to bear.















Already May???

I can’t believe how fast this year has passed!  It seems life has been so busy of late but sometimes I just wonder where the time goes.  I’ve been going to post here since the middle of April but either I didn’t have the time or the energy to do so.  So, here I am again.  Made it through Mother’s Day and actually got to make some gifts again this year…and not one blanket!  I’ve made so many blankets for family that I’d feel bad giving anyone another one.  Even the dogs have too many blankets!

So, what have I been doing?  I bought some clothes for the first time in several years.  I bought maxi-dresses, lingerie, pants, shirts, jewelry and shoes.  Surprisingly since I bought it online, it all fit the first time.  I hate, hate, hate to try on clothes so 4 packages of clothing sat on my dresser for over a week before I even opened them to try them on.  Today, R took me to Esteban’s for dinner and I got to wear a new dress, earrings and shoes.  I felt like a model!  Definitely felt stylish and pretty.  I think I bought 4 dresses so I still have some to try out.

I have done some embroidering though not a lot.  I’m planning on getting back into the sewing room tomorrow.  Projects are stacking up.  This was the last thing I did that I really liked.  I made 2 towels and a wall hanging for Mom’s bathroom.  She has a butterfly shower curtain so I made her more butterflies to go with it.  She liked them, thankfully.

Mother's Day for my mom
Mother’s Day for my mom

I made a few dog blankets to donate, did a project for a friend’s baby, and a few more Mother’s Day projects (aprons and dish towels).

These toddler blankets were done for a friend:

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So, this is part of what has been taking up my time this year.  Recently we got one of our fosters back, so now we’re back up to 7 (6 Chis and Bandit—I always feel bad saying we have Chis and leaving Bandit out of the group).  For the most part they’re all healthy now.  Fancy has had some tummy issues and the vet has added another prescription which has seemed to get her back on track.  Her heart is doing better now so it seems we have her heart medication at the right dosage.  She takes medicines morning and night, and eats mostly soft canned food now since she doesn’t have a mouthful of teeth anymore, but she’ll be 16 years old in November so I’ll take her any way she comes.  We’ve had her since she was 8 weeks old and are not ready to part ways yet.

We’ve pretty much been doing our own house cleaning since R retired.  Our lady comes in sometimes but not as often as in the past.  She does a great job and I hate to clean bathrooms!  I’m not allowed to sweep or mop because of my spinal issues (which are on good behavior for the most part) so R does most of that.  It works out.  Since I bought the new embroidery machine we’ve been reorganizing my sewing room.  I’ll try to post picture of that in my next post.  Gotta go.  Things to do.