Quiet

Home from work and a quiet night which is pleasant in itself.  Let the big dogs out of their crates, loved  them, medicated where necessary, fed Max, put my phone on charge, nightgown on, Diet Coke open.  And here I am unwinding.

Right now I’m wondering what it will be like when I retire next year, when I no longer have to work nights or weekends or with people I don’t like.  What will it be like when I can focus myself on what I want to do and on my interests without being perpetually exhausted?  Ronnie and I have talked about how exhausted we both are, how many things we have committed ourselves to, and what, if anything, we could let go of in order to make our lives less stressful.  So, what are we looking at here?  Right now I have: my job (12 hour shiftwork), our volunteering with animal rescue (which used to include fostering until we kept so many that we don’t have room anymore), my sewing classes and time to do some sewing, serging or machine embroidery, blogs, a new website under construction, a couple of dogs that have special needs, trying to keep a path open through the house and clean clothes on our backs, and learning 3 new software programs in my spare time (which includes some more classes).  Then there is the committee I’m on at work (in its 3rd year).  Oh, yeah.  And my husband and my family, too.

What of this am I willing to give up?  The answer is always the same: none of it.  All the things we do, we do because we enjoy them and we feel good about the donations that we make to society.  We have so much.  We have each other.  We are so happy.  And we like to spread it around.  It’s such a sense of freedom to be able to do what we want, give what we want without restraint.  To DO.  To BE.  To LOVE all we can in any way we can.  What a wonderful gift from the Universe.  Why would I want to give it up?  Maybe it’s because I’m so damned tired?  Nah, can’t be!  LOLLLLLLLLL

When I fall down and can’t get up, I’ll quit something…but I’m not a quitter, never have been.  Except for retirement.  One more year and I’ll have my 30 years in with this company.  One more year and I’ll be financially able to retire.  Is that quitting?  No, I don’t think so.  I think it is the payback for all the years I have worked (since I was a teenager).  Retirement is earned, not given, so I don’t feel it’s quitting, giving up.  It’s just getting to be my time of life.  My life.  My freedom.  My peace.  My happiness………yeah.

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