Rest In Peace, Buffy

All dressed up for the Rainbow Bridge

All dressed up for the Rainbow Bridge

So today was the day Buffy went to the gallows.  The appointment was 1:30.  I went a few minutes early so I could have some time with her beforehand.  She was sicker today than yesterday, noticeably so.  She wasn’t able to focus on me like yesterday, was a little glazed-looking.  I loved on her, rubbed her ears, whispered sweet nothings to her and told her how much I loved her and how much I would miss her.  I listed some more people who loved her, too, and would also miss her.  I held her in my arms and smelled the uric acid on her breath from the failed kidneys and knew that euthanizing her was the right step because this baby was so sick, so miserable.

They injected a pink liquid into her IV which was to put her to sleep.  She had a look of panic on her face for a split second as she began to feel the meds course through her body, then she relaxed and lay down her head.  Then they injected a clear liquid which would stop her heart from beating.  There was a couple of exhalations of air from her lungs and then all the life was gone.  She was at peace.  I kissed her head and told her how much I loved her, just feeling her curly hair on her ears that I’ll never feel again.  The doctor checked her heart; I asked if she was gone; she nodded.  I kissed Buffy once more and rubbed the top of her head, told her “no more pain, baby…no more pain”.  I was already in tears and there was nothing more I could do but get the hell out of there so I could cry.  All of the  employees came and gave me hugs and their condolences.  I thanked them all for everything and hurried to my car.

I cried all the way home and I’ve cried off and on since Buffy died.  I’ll probably cry off and on for a while like I did with Maximus.  The bad thing about loving man or beast is that no one lives forever, and the loss is never pleasant, and the pain always feels like it’ll rip your heart asunder before it’s over.  I used to think “I will never love again because I can’t go through this pain again”, but that would be a lie.  I came home to seven 4-footed angels who love me and who I love with all my heart.  If I have to go through this again with them, I will.  I owe them that much just as I owed that to Buffy.  There was no one else to be with her today; I was it.  Even though it wasn’t something I’d arbitrarily choose to do on a bright, beautiful Wednesday in Texas, I was there with her, for her, and proud to be.

She will be cremated.  Her memorial will read: Buffy August 7, 2013 If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever

Now, hopefully we can all start healing–again.  After the tears (not so many today) I came home and did laundry, caught up on email, cleaned off my desk, then Ronnie took me out to dinner.  Since then it’s been fairly quiet, cuddling the dogs, watching TV, the usual stuff of a weeknight.  We received word that Buffy’s owner fell and broke his hip and is in the hospital, surgery tomorrow if he’s healthy enough to get the cardiologist to sign off on it.  Poor guy!  He’s having an awful summer; his losses mount.  Hope he gets through this trial as well as the ones he’s already experienced.  Sometimes life just sucks, simply the nature of the beast.  Sometimes life is so beautiful it takes my breath away.  We’ll wait and see what tomorrow brings.

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